Friday, January 20, 2012

Another Shoebox.

"I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone (or attempting to) requires a leap of faith,
and that a soft landing is never guaranteed."


Years ago, I started keeping a shoebox for each relationship that ended. You know, a place to house all the things (ticket stubs, playbills, love letters, pictures, etc.) from old boyfriends that I just can't throw away, but might just start swimming in my tears if I just *happen* upon them. Out of sight, out of mind. That's the theory.

Well, I think I'm starting yet another one. :( I've gotten less sentimental and cheesy, so really it will probably just be a small envelope, but nevertheless, it's going to come into existence.

"What happened?" I can hear you saying that in your head right now, and to be honest, I don't really know. Sometimes we aren't afforded the luxury of communication. And sometimes what may seem to be going well and progressively more solidified just suddenly ends with no explanation. And you're left wondering what you said or what you did to so swiftly make one change his tune...

Remember how I didn't want to talk about this one because I didn't think I could handle one more "another one bit the dust" story? Yeah. Well, here you go. Here's that post. Sad. But I guess it's better to know one's true character and feelings early on. Not that I really know them... but I'm smart, and I know that silence speaks volumes. Sudden silence confuses, but nevertheless sends a message. A loud one.

Aye aye, Captain. Message received. Shoebox being prepared.

Why does life keep trying to teach me lessons that I have no desire to learn? Lessons that aren't often learned for years following.

No worries. I'm definitely sad, but life is good. Being sick in bed for two weeks solidified a lot of things in my mind. One of them being that God is watching over me. And the best is yet to come. It always is. Everything always works out. And if he comes around again, I'm still willing to open up the shoebox again. Because I'm open. Remember?  We'll just see.

Photo credit unknown.
I can't remember where I found it.


Becky said...

I'm sorry, Em. Really, really sorry. I love you. ((hugs))

linda said...

I happened on your blog through Becky's blog. I am sorry for your sadness, but I applaud your attitude. Things really do have a way of working out, even though present circumstances may not always be to our liking. You're in our prayers!

Beth said...

Hi love, number one - so sorry to hear about another shoebox....I just had to do that on Christmas Eve, BOO. My heart still hearts over this last one, a lot. I even gave into my ache and texted him today. Bad. But so it goes. I feel for you. I feel your pain. However, as you said, the best is yet to come. Despite heartache, I'm constantly amazed at how much the Lord loves us, and takes care of us, ALWAYS. Life really is good. Number two, Downton Abbey is incredible. I love it. I'm in NYC til March 1st-ish, but when I get back to SLC, can we please be Sunday night friends? And every other day of the week of course. :) As tave myliu.

Shelley Smith Balough said...

I love you, Em, and you are truly gifted as a writer, able to convey so much sentiment and feeling without having to say so much. When I read something that yanks at my heart, I know I've read something profound and special - and that is I how I felt when I read this post. You are so smart, so unique, so you and I'm thrilled to say that we're related and have had the pleasure of calling you my cousin my entire life! There are so many things that run in the Smith genes - I'm proud to say that wisdom is one of our more distinct characteristics. xoxo, Shelley