I've been thinking about time a lot yesterday and today. Time in terms of speed. You know ... the rate at which children grow and mature, the rate at which a heart can be broken, the rate at which it heals, the rate at which it learns to love, the rate at which you travel to across oceans and continents, the rate at which one loses weight, the rate at which one gains it, the rate at which you earn money, the rate at which it can be spent...
Isn't it funny that the older you get, the faster life seems to go. Time really does seem to fly by. How flabbergasted one might be when they realize how much a child has grown in the last year, both physically and developmentally. But to that child, time seems to drone on and on. Is it because there is less in their brains to remember? Fewer memories to recall and process?
Lately, I've been playing the "one year ago today" game and realizing how drastically (yet simply) my life has changed. Mostly, the change is in my attitude toward life. A year ago today, I hated my job. I was working the same job I am today, but at different customer location, and thus it really was entirely different than it is for me today. I dreaded going to work. I literally cried some days on my way to work. I recall barely being able to get out of bed, I hated the idea of going to work so much. A year ago today, I had long become used to the "permanent" twitch in my right eye. What a difference a year can make. Today, - well, today I'm not at work.. - but today, I have a completely different feeling every day when I wake up. Work doesn't do me in. I enjoy going to work. I enjoy the people with whom I work. I love our front desk receptionist, Carolyn. She brightens my day. My co-worker is great to work with. It's just the two of us in this office, which could make for a hard working situation if we didn't get along, but we work really well together, complimenting each other's working styles well, picking up where the other one isn't as strong, etc. What a difference a year makes.
A year ago today, I wasn't dating M. A year ago today, I wasn't in Berlin. A year ago today, I was 15 pounds thinner than I am now. A year ago today, I was sitting in my music class with M, whom I'd never spoken to at that point. A year ago today, I was working out (haven't done that for a few weeks now). Wow. What a difference a year makes.
Just this evening, Katie and I were talking about how quickly Ellie has changed. She's almost two and a half years old. The last time I saw her she was not yet two. Definitely intelligent and advanced for an almost two year old. But today... just six months later, she is more verbal and emotionally grown up than most two years olds I've come into contact with. Today, she was jumping on the couch, trying to make Katie and me laugh. The second time she jumped and fell back, she hit her head squarely on the hard arm of the couch. She looked stunned, and started to cry a little. Katie tried to comfort her, but she wouldn't have it. Asking Katie to "leave me alone please," she found her "blankie" and covered her head for a few minutes. She wanted to experience her pain in peace. In many ways that's how a lot of adults are. We hurt or cry, and we want to be private about it. Ellie took about three or four minutes, then turned to Katie to say she was sorry (for crying?) and then she was fine. She was still holding her blankie and now sucking on her "bink", but she has learned how to comfort herself and move on. A fine lesson for me to remember when I'm wallowing in some sort of pain. :)
I also mentioned to Katie something about M, and then surprised myself halfway through my thought, "We've been dating for ... nearly seven months." Seven months! That's a long time. It's a short period of time, and a long period of time. But a significant period of time. It's funny how we look at it. And this thought was the catalyst for this post. Time is relative. Seven months could feel like an eternity, and in many cases is a long period of time. In seven months, a child changes drastically. In seven months, one could experience new blossoms, blazing heat, and a new-fallen snow. But how can seven months seem like such a long time and yet so short at the same time?!? I suppose for the same reasons that three days in Berlin already feels like a week and yet only 3 hours at the same time. Funny how that works.